My last post before today was July of 2016.  A month later, I left my church and now over four years later, I’ve still not joined a church.  I’ve even stopped looking for a new church.  I’ve been silent; and I’m waiting. 

Lots of people have stories of how they were wounded by people from their church.  The church responds, “well, the church is full of sinners, that’s why we’re all there” and “well, none of us are perfect, that’s what makes us such good Christians, we realize that and that’s why we go to church.”

War is Peace

Freedom is Slavery

Ignorance is Strength

Those are the words of George Orwell, from his book 1984.  The response of the church to their problems sounds like the insanity, doublethink and doublespeak he was warning us about.  Not all churches; my church.  Correction, the church I left behind.  Transformation was the agenda, but no one was really wanting the kind of change that leads to repentance, just the kind that puffs people up with knowledge.  The inner circle with their churchspeak; shining vessels with dirt and hurt bottled up inside.

To my great surprise, God truly was working on me.  I changed.  I repented.  But my repentance had to involve turning and walking in the opposite direction from where I was.  The responses to my repentance from the leaders in the church were as sharp as shattered, jagged glass.  Betrayal of confidence, Anger, violent speech, accusation, slander, gossip, back-biting and stereotyping were all heaped upon me.  But, I have no doubt God is working on these people too.  I pray they will find peace.

I didn’t start out to write a complaint piece about my ex-church.  There is enough complaining in the world today – I don’t want to participate. 

I want to talk about the silence.  I want to talk about the danger of the church as an idol in our western culture.  I want to talk about the dangerous trend of pastors as celebrities in our current culture.  Mostly, I just want to talk.  That is something I haven’t wanted to do for the past few years.  But now that I’m talking, I see my words, my message, my voice must be full of light and life.  If I have learned nothing, if I have not grown and matured in my thinking, if my relationship with the living God has not grown stronger, than I have nothing to say.  If my love for others has not grown stronger, than I have nothing to say.

I have been given a great gift . . . freedom.  People looking in from the outside may question the cost but what I lost truly does seem like filthy rags compared to what I’ve gained.  There is nothing that compares to being free; walking in the light; truth really does set you free. So, if you too realize you are being entertained by shadows on the wall and you decide to turn and walk out of the cave, know that a few people may turn and watch you go and wonder as to the reason, others may scream at you to come back or  you'll die out there, and others will turn to those around them and curse you for betraying them and all cave dwellers.  But what waits outside the cave, is sunlight, fresh air, and yes, freedom.